The Split: When Your Parents Divorce, You’re Not Alone

Divorce creates big questions. Why is this happening? Did I do anything to cause this? Where is God in the middle of this?

Mickey Bickford remembers having those kinds of questions when a friend told her about a group called The Split. Mickey needed someone to talk to, but didn’t really want to ask her parents for counseling. She emailed Janet Pino, who co-leads Blue Ridge’s DivorceCare (which includes DC4K for K-5th grade and The Split for 6-12th grades). Janet encouraged her to come.

“Once it got close to start time, I wanted to chicken out. I didn't want to go,” Mickey remembered. “But Janet kept emailing.”

To her surprise, Mickey really enjoyed it. The leaders were nice. “You could tell they were there for you.” The Split gave Mickey a place to share her thoughts and her questions. She felt less alone and more able to talk about what was going on.

“I remember them asking me, ‘Is it a sin to be angry?’ And I was like, ‘Yes.’ But I learned even Jesus got angry. It completely reshaped how I viewed my emotions. I was always great at stuffing down my emotions. The Split showed me it's OK to be angry, but not to hold on to it.”

Mickey, who was a high school senior at the time, connected with a leader who was a senior at Liberty University. She really listened to Mickey and supported her.

“That made me want to go back and be that person for someone else,” Mickey said.

Now, Mickey, a Liberty sophomore, serves in The Split.

“Listening to these kids, seeing their anger and bitterness, I feel that with them and show them it's OK,” she said. “It's OK to be upset. It's OK to be confused. If you think it's your fault, The Split is a good atmosphere to question those things.”

The Split, the companion to DivorceCare, is tailored to students in middle and high school. Each week, participants talk about the highs and lows of their current situation.

“The biggest thing I would say is don't compare yourself to anyone else's story. And don't belittle your story,” Mickey added. “It's not a therapy session where we're judging you and telling you how to think and feel, but it is a place where we can be real with each other.”

Through The Split, Mickey also grew closer to God.

“I learned about God's character. The more I sought Him out, the more He drew me closer,” she said. “I don't hate that my parents got divorced. I don't hate all that I've been through. It's all brought me so much closer to the Lord. Nothing is wasted. The Lord can redeem any situation.”

You can sign up The Split, which begins again along with DivorceCare, on January 20.