In February 2013, Jayna Fielder learned something about her husband that felt too big to handle on her own.
Through Lifeline, Jayna was connected to caregiver Rachel Jones. While waiting for their first meeting, Jayna and her husband found out that she was pregnant.
“My first Lifeline meeting was not what I expected.” Jayna recalled. “I thought that Rachel would give me instructions on how to support and ‘fix’ my husband. Instead she talked to me about who I was, what I believed in and where I was in my own walk with Christ.”
Rachel walked through the next months with Jayna as she faced a series of difficult situations. Each step of the way, Rachel pointed Jayna to God and prayed for her. They met for lunch weekly, talked on the phone and Jayna “flooded her with text messages.”
“I had friends who believed in God, but didn't have a relationship. When I asked those friends to pray, I wasn't sure they were,” Jayna said. “I could see Christ in Rachel and knew she was talking to Him.”
In the meetings they had, Jayna “focused all of my energy on trying to fix my husband and on trying to heal our marriage. I prayed every day multiple times asking God to take it all but I never gave it over to Him.”
Jayna thought during this time that she had a relationship with God. “I knew a whole lot ABOUT God, but I didn’t know how to talk TO God. I was trying to control my own life and the others around me and I was in denial. God used Rachel to show me that I needed to change my heart,” Jayna said.
Rachel encouraged Jayna to get involved in the Blue Ridge community by going to the “One in a Million” Bible study. Soon thereafter, at a 12-week routine ultrasound, Jayna and her husband found out their baby had died. Their relationship grew more difficult.
“I didn’t want to get out of bed.” Jayna said. “I didn’t want to take care of anyone including myself.” During this time, God pointed her to Psalm 77.
“On June 10, I laid down in bed. I prayed and I read my Bible. Suddenly, without thinking, I crawled out and knelt on the floor. I gave my life to Christ that night. I thanked him for the child that we had lost and told him that I knew this death was meant to bring me life. I told Him that I would follow Him anywhere that He would take me, but asked for Him to speak loudly. I prayed for my marriage and I prayed for my husband and our children. I prayed that He would form me into the woman that they all needed me to be, the woman that God had created me to be.”
Shortly after, Jayna and her husband found out that they were expecting again. She was still grieving their recent loss and filled with many emotions and anxiety. She began a new Bible study called “For Women Only” by Shanti Feldhahn. She found this study difficult because she had not yet forgiven her husband.
“I was against him for what he had brought into our marriage,” Jayna admitted. While Rachel held her hand, she shared openly for the first time about what they were going through and found support from the women in her group. “They didn’t judge me or turn me away but opened their hearts and hands to pray with me. My husband lacked the same support. I was neglecting my role as his cheerleader and instead I was his attacker.”
Jayna’s marriage deteriorated, and she was now separated. “I was hurt. I experienced depression and loneliness among many other emotions,” she said.
Rachel suggested Jayna see a professional counselor and encouraged her to attend DivorceCare. God brought Jayna to a counselor who she later found out attended Blue Ridge.
“I was amazed at how instrumentally my Heavenly Father was placing people into my life to assist me in following Him. I felt His grace and love for me.” Jayna learned in DivorceCare that she had played her own part in the destruction of her marriage.
“I had to lose a lot to hear what God was trying to tell me. I had to realize I was broken to allow myself to be healed,” Jayna said.
On Sept. 15, 2013 Jayna was baptized by Rachel. Following her baptism Jayna began to take steps to restore her marriage. Big steps. Hard steps. In just a few months, she and her husband reconciled before their baby boy was born.
“God used Rachel to show me that through the sacrifice of his beloved Son, I am very much loved and not alone like I felt for a lot of my life. I am not finished yet and this story isn’t over either. It has a lot of beauty yet to come,” Jayna said.